Things improved after I got an NHS psychiatrist, not least me having some energy to attempt dating.
Michelle lived quite locally and was nuts about animals. It turned out she too was bipolar, and whilst Clare was fifteen years my senior, Michelle is six years younger.
Random good fortune does happen, but it's more likely after groundwork.
Business people and investors speculate to accumulate. Life is the same. No effort is wasted or risks taken in doing nothing, but it will probably not lead to anything. At best your status quo might not deteriorate.
Meeting Michelle was love at first sight. I was a bit manic. The video of our wedding speeches (featured) mentions Rose who was stillborn. My father (to my right) has also passed now. This marriage took place in a just few months after we met.
One of my comments amidst my special poem for that occasion, was that my life had only just begun. I totally meant it.Whether you believe that "life begins at 40," or that 50 is the new 40 in an increasingly complex world, my statement seems valid to me.
What's more, an untested foundation at 20 is more likely to be a house built on "sand" rather than one on a sturdy foundtion of "stone." Life takes time. Patience is essential. Modern living promotes quick fixes everywhere. For some people that can end in addictions.
Self-confidence comes through self-realisation. That's the essence of recovery. Keep trying, don't just assume!
Understand that you are still here after having been through much already. You deserve a medal! More to the point, by respecting others and being mindful that they may be struggling, you are owed validation too!
The trinkets of the world are worthless and perhaps for the shallow. There is only ONE YOU and nothing "off-the-shelf" is better!
It is said, "the kingdom of Heaven is within. It's also said, that it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter he kingdom of God. And my late dad said, Hell is on Earth."
(Restating)"I am not religious -"
but looking in the wrong places and making repeat mistakes is not helpful. I was avoidant. I knew best. I had no trust.
St Paul said, "And now these remain: faith, hope and love."
I think the word balance
is a vitally important word also. Maybe we should never stop considering it, or even meditating on it if that is our thing?
* * *
In the last verse of John, the last Gospel, it's said : "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."
I also have SOME! more, but hope I've shared enough?
My abridged story was always meant to be a contextual framework on which information or wisdom could be more effectively delivered. Without the frame, i.e. the context, it is a textbook.
When I lacked creative ideas I often based poems on my life experiences. It was therapeutic if not always artistic. Consequently, I wrote an autobiography in the form of my jumbled collection of poems.
I called it "My beautiful diary."
As a final point, even after recovery we should be humble, because we never truly know we have "made it." We only know we've made it as we draw our last breaths.